Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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