as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
