OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
