I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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