We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
