why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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