im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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