It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
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You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize