Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
