Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
