do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
