so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
