and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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