She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
