I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize