I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
