please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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