He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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