Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
