I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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