am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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