I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
