How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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