The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
