Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
