My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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