why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
