So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
