A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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