i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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