I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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