He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
being pregnant is like rehab
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
