I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
