dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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