is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
