Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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