haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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