his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
