One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
