mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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