Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
