I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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