Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
