VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
