My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
