Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
