Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
