he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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