We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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