If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
