do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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