I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
40s are totally the cure
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
