when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
