never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
