Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
