you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
