i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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