how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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