I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
