Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
