don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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