What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
