you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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