If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
