You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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